I cannot believe I have
been a teacher for almost 40 days now. 40 days and I already know so much about
my children. I have said it before, but I think about them all the time. I am
here to make sure that they have access to a beautiful education. In doing
this, I have fallen in love. It is crazy to me that they are full of so much
innocence, but at the same time, they know far too much about the world. We
come from such different worlds, but we come together in the classroom and it
just works. During our morning meeting, one of my students said "You are
like the mom and we are the kids!" So, I am officially the Mama Bear of
Room 115 and I am not complaining about that :) It is amazing to me the more I
find out about them, and there is always something in the back of my mind while
I am teaching. As far as culture, they are so unaware of anything outside of
Phoenix. I know that it is my job to teach them everything they need to know,
so our classroom theme is "Around the World." On my door, I wrote
"travel the world, but always come home to Room 115." I want them to
know so much about the whole world, but I want our room to feel safe and always
feel like home. I gradually see this becoming a reality. While there are days
where I could rush home and relax, I don't. I stay at school because my kids
stay with me. They told me they like it better at school, so I let them stay
with me until their parents come back for them. I feed them, talk with them,
let them practice their work, and spend a lot of time listening. Six year olds
have a lot to say :)
I could go on and on about
these wonderful kids, but I would get carpal tunnel.
This week was the first
time that I questioned my effectiveness as a teacher. I have been trained, I
have done research, I have tried and tried again, but I still felt defeated.
One student. One student made me feel so helpless in front of my young
audience. It was an experience where I don't really know what I was saying
because all I could focus on was what I was thinking. My room was being
destroyed, my other students were being hurt, their learning was interrupted,
and teaching became so difficult. My 21 students and I stood with our ears
plugged while a student was having a moment, screaming a high-pitched scream
and shouting "I want to die!" These are the moments I wish I had
answers. More importantly, I wish anyone had the answer. This student is so
bright, but every day is a surprise. While a good day for this student takes a
lot of patience and praise, a not-so-good day may mean evacuating the room to
make sure my students are safe. I love this student, and we have a relationship
that just works. It upsets me because I want more than anything to figure him
out. I want to help students like him forever, and there are days I feel so
defeated.
While these days can try
and pull me down, my students always raise me up. It is crazy how we all just
protect each other. I don't know if that is natural for them, to protect the
ones they love, but it is so obvious and greatly appreciated. I feel honored to
be such a vital part of their life. I have already decided that none of them
will be passing first grade. I am selfish.
Tonight, I stayed at
school late, came home to start more work, and am now washing the uniform of
one of my sweet boys. Teaching is not a job, it is an identity.
Teachers, feel free to
answer this question:
“In a profession as
challenging as teaching, honest self-reflection is key. That means
that we must regularly
examine what has worked and what hasn't in the classroom…”
This year,
what has worked and what
hasn’t in your classroom. What will you do differently?
Teaching takes passion,
honesty, and love. Every day is a new day to ask myself, "What can I do
better?" I am constantly making mental notes of "that rocked!"
or "never again..." I am aware that there is no such thing as a perfect
teacher... even though people seem VERY close. Each lesson for the students is
a lesson for the teacher. Yep, a teacher is constantly learning.
What has worked:
One thing that has worked
in my classroom is developing a sense of family and responsibility. From the
beginning, I let our students know that our room was home, and we were all in
this together. Their is a class wide reward that can't be earned without every
single student. They have learned to evaluate themselves at every transition,
and have learned respect by their favorite phrase "we don't say
names." This means that we NEVER call students out, because we can all
make silly choices at times. They also have learned that we all come from
different places and all need different things. Fair is not always equal. They
know how to ignore silly behavior so that their learning is not interrupted,
but they have also learned to hold each other accountable by simply saying
"Now is not the time." It is unreal how much they are able to express
to each other already and show a sense of responsibility. Lastly, they are a
family because they are there for each other, always. When there are tears,
they give hugs. When they are hurt, they stand up and tell each other how they
are feeling inside. When something happens at home, they share it with each
other in a sharing circle. They protect each other constantly and have a
developed a bond that will not be broken.
What hasn't worked:
When I think of what
hasn't worked, I think of lots of little things which have led me to change my
ways and do things differently. Before I knew my students, I paired them all up
and made the seating chart, etc. After day one, I quickly found out that that
was a joke. Certain people couldn't see, others can't quit talking, others
won't pay attention, and some just simply needed to be by my side and away from
others. Let's just say there are many things you should not do until you know
your children on a personal level. Another thing that I will do differently is
change my mindset. I have learned that not every second of every day will go as
planned. Students will forget rules, friends will use mean words, lessons will
run over and run short, and that is okay. It's okay to not start talking about
odd and even numbers during week three, because if they don't know the
difference between a three and a four, it is simply impossible. Things will go
wrong, others may be overlooked, and those unplanned teachable moments always
have the most meaning :)
All my love from Phoenix,
Jacey
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